excerpts...from a couple of recent letters....
i had thought of going to volunteer at the south country fair, but in the end decided to have a 'festival free summer" - my first in 30 years! it's also the first summer i won't be working through since i was 15 (almost 40 years...).
The phone doesn’t ring too much… but these days, if I’m by the phone and it rings, I answer it. It’s probably a friend, not someone with a hidden agenda on me, hiding behind a buddy/community/helpless hustle rap.
There are still dark moments on some days. Beyond the emotional and financial stress of instant mid-life unemployment, there have been too many deaths over the last few months in our life, and with Oli’s passing coming very soon, it’s been as close as I ever want to come to “brutal”.
There has also been a lot of drama, in the high school sense of the word, and also some hard times and some bruising in the heart region… but one by one these rivers get crossed and life feels like an adventure again.
I have teaching myself to notice things again, taking these four and five hour hikes around the city and taking pictures everywhere. After today’s walkabout, I downloaded 521 shots. I’m making short films and getting back into graphic designing too – mostly I design "Der Book", and rewrite and rewrite. Now that I can finally focus on it, I feel like it’s finally coming together.
We’re starting to get ready to move (again). The Landlord has decided it’s time to cash in and sell this place. Next up for us is looking like a house on a hill on the Island, near Sydney. It’s a long story, with a happy ending.
It feels like we’ve been through a lot of lousy things in the last six months, and I never felt better. One by one, we cross them off the list and move on, and the moving is more like a glide these days. All the creativity I used to put into programming the festival and all of it etceteras is going into living.
It’s going to an interesting summer without any festivals. I’m expecting a couple of spazzy moments from myself this month – when the cold turkey kicks in hard, but it’s the right thing to do this year. It’s our 15th anniversary this month, and we’ve worked festivals together every one so far- so I know Jules would love one away. By next summer, there will be new people to talk about and I can just be who I am, not whatever I was.
Doing creative work is suddenly fun again – no meetings, no grant-writing, no reports…I’m enjoying it a lot, partly because it involves spending some time with myself again… something that’s been in short supply over the last decade or so.
I’m not worried.
I actually feel strangely blessed.
vayas con dios,
d
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